Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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