so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize