im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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