I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just high enough for therapy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
