omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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