pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I supernannyed him into submission
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