im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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