i permit you to call me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
