so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
