Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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