Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
