they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
