My hand turned me down
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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