I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
