I want you more than these girls want KFC
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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