Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
