So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
