its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
