I feel great
I just peed on a car
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
