The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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