i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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