but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
where am i from again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
