Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
