We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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