also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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