apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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