dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
