I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
