The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
