Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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