you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
