i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
