tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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