I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
