So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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