i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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