Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
