I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
