so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
