I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
