You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
