I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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