Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
