remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
