Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
