I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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