I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
