You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
