Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
