new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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