I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
