wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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