how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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