i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
