you lied. pity sex is amazing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
