He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
