i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
