Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
