just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
