I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
