I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
