Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
