i don't plan on having that self control this summer
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
