i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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