Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
