God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
