Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
