clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I am morally bankrupt
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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