The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
