we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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