I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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