my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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