the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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